Dumb and Dumberer, and other Skeletons, Vol. 1

Hey folks,

  Another reason for me to write in here; it's a safe space where after I'm dead and gone, someone will be able to read this and share it with the world.

I recently posted a FB rant about how I've been attacked for trying to be sympathetic and helpful, only to have those efforts seen as nosey and humiliating. Indeed, I admit that I approached these people in a public forum when I should have privately approached them to help. My efforts were totally selfless, and altruistic, because I believe in helping people. I'm not a superhero, but I want to be able to help people the best I can with my best attributes: Listening and pragmatic, logical common sense.

The first subject is someone who I will refer to as Jethrine; She is a large woman; not fat per se, but unwieldly, thick, and very clumsy. In the time I've known her, she's fallen and broken a bone or two, and I've only known her for 3 years or so. She is bi-racial, and she blames a lot of her problems on that fact. She feels that she is frequently discriminated against, from work, theatre, and most importantly, her failed relationships with me. She has told me in confidence that when she has done online dating, the guys "ghost" her once she sends her picture to them. She is built like a hausfrau, and acts like it too. When she bought a gift for a friend of mine and I, she made sure to tell us that she got it on sale.

Again, I'm not saying these things to be insulting of her, but this is the way she conducts herself. After a few drinks, she told me about a guy she met from New York at an anime festival in Boston, to where after the convention she went to a car to give him head. Again, no filter since she had been drinking. She went on about how this was her new boyfriend. When I asked her about him a few months later, she said that he "ghosted" her, but she didn't like him anyway. She said that he was "too hairy", and she did not like him on top of her so they had to shift to a doggie style position. Again, it seems that she rushed him into bed because she was lonely, only to feel worse after the fact. When I mentioned in open post that she should not air out her romantic laundry on Facebook, (I should have taken it to private message, my error) I was chastised by several people to not tell her what to do.

The second subject is Dove. Dove is a soft spoken, gentle soul who loves comic books, drawing, theatre, sci-fi movies and video games. Dove was going to be co-directing a play with a good friend of mine, who I in fact co-directed a play with in 2018. In the promotional art for the upcoming play, this person put their name ahead of the other director, and since this was Dove's first time as a director, by courtesy (in my opinion) he should have deflected to putting the "tutor" director's name in the first position and his, as an intern in addition. The spur in my boot is that Dove's wife also co-directed with the senior director, took primary credit for direction, did absolutely NOTHING to contribute to the play and THEN got all the kudos for the play once the senior director did the set building, painting, marketing, and gave the bulk of direction and notes to the cast and crew. This junior director's wife took all the kudos and congratulations for doing NOTHING. So, in open post (Again, I should have taken it to private message, my fault) I suggested that it would be the polite and proper thing to do to give the senior director top billing. Again, I was chastised by his friends for being a critic and I was even called out for "virtue signalling". Well, I had to look up that particular psychobabble term and found out that it means I tell people what to do because I find them disgusting. Well, I feel no way of the sort towards these people and I was merely trying to offer some advice to help make their lives a little easier.

So, lesson learned? The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, and no good deed goes unpunished.

Our Current Times

 Many years ago, 

  Comedian Red Skelton did a reading of The Pledge of Allegiance ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJNL_rhGDq4 ) , breaking down each part of the pledge and explaining the particular phrase related to the pledge. I believe that the pledge of Black Lives Matter needs the same treatment, because it seems that the pledge of Black Lives Matter only seems to apply to persons involved in alleged criminal activity and not across a wider spectrum. Now, I will blatantly admit that I am not a person of color nor have I experienced what a person of color has experienced, so to most people of color it would appear that I am talking out of my nether regions, but I also have the right to express my opinion, and I will do it here.

BLACK: Persons of color, whether they are African, Cape Verdeans, Dominican, Puerto Rican, Columbian, persons of mixed race and anyone else I may have missed. THESE LIVES MATTER.

LIVES: The lives of these people, whether they be involved in alleged criminal activity by police brutality, whether they be innocent victims of police brutality, victims of prejudice or racial injustice, single mothers of color who are abandoned by the fathers of their children, women who are verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by their partners, children who have to witness the above and are scarred by these actions, victims of black on black crime, drive-bys, gang wars, drug wars, biracial people who are not accepted by either race and have difficulty finding love and happiness because of their genetic makeup, Persons in biracial relationships who are frowned upon for loving the people they love. THESE LIVES MATTER.

MATTER: Whether it is a need for love, acceptance, racial justice and inequality, the pursuit of happiness and personal growth, education, freedom, and respect, THESE LIVES MATTER. 

I think a better slogan for Black Lives Matter should be clarified to say ALL BLACK LIVES MATTER, not just the lives that make the national news media. ALL BLACK LIVES MATTER and steps should be put in place to make sure that this is the case. Just like The Pledge of Allegiance, we should pledge allegiance and ally ourselves to our friends of color and support them in their efforts to make a better world for themselves and their families.

Welcome to The Decade of Perfect Vision!

  Hello Everyone!

  I think I've decided to get some things off my chest here, without mentioning anyone in particular, but using pseudonyms. There are a few friends who I like and love, but their quirks drive me absolutely crazy.

  First, let's address the "Flintstones". I've known the Flintstones for over four decades. They are the friendliest, most generous people I know. Unfortunately, they are also the densest, most clueless, most culturally ignorant and stubborn people I know. They are essentially hermits, and live in a very bad neighborhood, with bars on their windows. Their house is thick with nicotine smell, and you can run your finger on their paneled walls and come back with a thick veneer of nicotine on their fingers. Electronics in the house fail on a regular basis due to the nicotine buildup that eventually cruds up the works.

  "Fred" smokes like a chimney, and drinks like a fish. In fact, he has an alarm on his watch to remind himself to start drinking at noon, otherwise known as "beer o'clock". Not good beer either. His upgrade from Milwaukee Ice to Genesee Ice was an upgrade in quality but a decrease in cost. You see, he smokes the cheapest cigarillos and drink the cheapest beer. Why cigarillos? Because there is no tax on them unlike cigarettes.

  "Wilma" is nice enough but it seems that she is a little on the spectrum. She laughs with this maniacal "hee hee hee", and when you give her something to taste, she eats or drinks it, smacks her lips in staccato for about ten times, smiles and says "I LIKE IT, hee hee hee hee hee". Wilma's housekeeping skills are a fail; dust over everything, and most of the things she cooks are either undercooked or raw. I mean, who cooks bacon by putting it in the microwave for a minute or places it on a warmer to cook?

 I got sick on some reheated stuffed mushrooms, queso dip, but the worst was birthday cake. Wilma wanted to make a rainbow cake for Fred, and since we couldn't be there for his birthday, she put the cake made with cream cheese in THE FREEZER to preserve it until we came over. Nancy smelled the rancid grey frosting right away and put it aside, but me being so hungry after work wolfed it down without tasting the rotten frosting and an hour later, was in their upstairs bathroom retching and afterwards dry heaving.

Christmas was an interesting event this year; since they are moving in the next year, they are handing off their unwanted items as gifts to us. Nancy got a fondue set that had obviously been used and we found a dried tiny centipede and fruit fly in it. At our Yankee Swap Christmas party, they brought one gift to swap, but took tickets for two people. The gift they brought was a bottle of wine and two decorative wine glasses. They complained about the TWO gifts that they got; one was a tabletop punching bag for stress, and the other was a nightmask with essential oils for relaxation. The topper? The wine in the gift bag had the name "Alyssa" scratched out with a magic marker and the glasses? Decorative glasses with a sticker on the bottom saying "Decorative only. Not for human consumption."

  During the winter, they watch movies in their dark, dark, smelly basement that is heated with a kereosene heater. There is an air purifier, but it's so crudded up that it clanks along like a Model T Ford and is useless. Now, the movies that they watch are not on TV, or cable; they refuse to get cable or any other broadcast system. Fred and Wilma have a rotating library of DVDs that they have scheduled to watch every month. EVERY MONTH, THE SAME MOVIES EVERY YEAR. In January, they watch NASA and moon landing movies and documentaries. Towards the end of January, they watch the complete James Bond collection. EVERY YEAR.

Nancy and I have a theory that the ONLY reason they watch the same movies over and over again is because this is all they know, and it's like Groundhog Day every day. (Another one of their favorite movies). They are also usually so blasted drunk that they don't need to have to follow the movie. We've brought over new critcally acclaimed movies and TV shows but usually they have a difficult time following a new plotline. February is Groundhog Day, and Romantic Movies, March I do not know, but in April they set up their pool in the backyard. It's an elliptical above ground pool, and they set up standalone speakers (six, in fact) surrounding the pool. They play music or the radio at deafening volume so a conversation turns into a shouting match. Oh, and the pool? They never leave it ALL SUMMER. Oh, and the pool? They rarely are in it? Why? Because they float on pool floats the entire day, with a special float for a beer cooler and an ashtray. Oh, and to avoid the sun, they have a huge sun umbrella so they don't burn. Well, to be fair, Fred does. Wilma tans and gets very dark. When Nancy has offered to take Wilma to the beach one or two occasions when Fred was still working, she said to Nancy "Why would I want to go to the beach? I HAVE A POOOOOOL!" Oh, and Wilma never goes out without Fred. She's not allowed to go out without him; no food shopping, no store shopping, no nothing: she is happy drinking her watered down beer and blowing bubbles in her POOOOL.

  Back to them being hermits? They own a TransAm and a matching GrandAm that they keep garaged. They never go out for a ride, or to a car show, or anything. When I asked Fred why they don't go out anywhere with these cool looking cars, the response was "Why are you constantly trying to get us to leave our house?", to where Wilma says "YEAHHH!". Sure, discount my attempts of trying to get you out of the ghetto of your neighborhood in Providence so you can have a good time, quality of life, and experience something other than living in your nicotine stained shells.

Nancy and I recently invited them to see the new Star Wars movie. Wilma said that Fred ONLY WANTS TO SEE IT in IMAX and in 3D. I messaged her later that day to tell her that the only showtime in Providence for STAR WARS in 3D AND in IMAX was a single 10PM showtime. Pop Quiz? THEY WONT GO. Why? Because of 1) Beer o'Clock started at 12 noon, 2) They will never leave the house that late, and 3) They don't like to leave their house at night because someone attempted a home invasion at their house a few years ago. Wilma actually wouldn't turn on the TV or music when she was alone during the day because she didn't want a potential burglar to know that she was home. Now, Fred and Wilma are in their mid 60's. How long before they become targets for a successful home invasion?

  In the plans, Wilma has inherited her Mom's home down south; down south, where they can pretty much be in their POOOL for the entire year. They think that their house will be easy to sell. I don't think it will. I predict a short sale due to the outdated cabinetry and the shell of nicotine all over EVERYTHING.

  I wish them well, because they are essentially good people, but stingy dirty drinking hippies from the 70's that never assimilated into the changing world. Hell, they only got a computer a short 5 years ago. She just recently got a smartphone, which she uses a stylus to operate. He still has a flip phone, because as he states, "When one goes, I can get another one for 5 bucks".

That is their life: Buy Low, live LOW. You can't change a leopard's spots if they are drawn on with a generic magic marker from the dollar store.

Good Morning Folks!

  I've decided to set up a blog to speak, vent and process some of my thoughts and musings to print. I've had a lot on my mind and sometimes I don't have the resources or human sounding boards to listen to my thoughts and ideas.

  I look forward to your thoughts and comments regarding my blog and I hope that you enjoy the journey through my mind!

Dave